There are many reasons single men shy away from dating single mothers in modern-day America. Some of these reasons are purely egotistical, while others are extremely legitimate. They range from men not wanting to deal with women who were already "taken" and then left with another man's child (or children), to men who do not want to face the grim prospect of going to prison for physically disciplining (i.e. appropriately slapping or spanking) a disrespectful child. But either way, the presence of children from a previous union complicates the dating situation in a way that most single men simply do not wish to be bothered with.
First of all, raising a child is a priority, not an option. Ladies, the moment you chose to have your first child is the moment your selfish desires absolutely had to take a back seat. Being single and love-starved does not mean your responsibilities as a mother come second. Because your child is still a child who has no education, does not know right from wrong, and cannot feed, clothe, or shelter himself (or herself), his needs (or her needs) come first, while yours come last, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all year long, and every year of your natural life, until that child is a grown adult. And if you're a young woman who hasn't had any children yet, and you're not sure that you're ready for motherhood, then don't get pregnant. One minute of prevention always beats a lifetime of cure.
Now when a man finds out that the woman he's dating or about to date is a single mother, he should be immediately provoked to inwardly (and sometimes openly) ask several questions about the single mother. First, why should he get involved with a woman who cannot dedicate her all to making any new relationship work because her obligations are to her child (or children) first? Second, since she has had a child (or children) by another man, what role does that other man play in her life, if any? Third, why is she no longer with the very father of her child (or children)? Fourth, why should he deal with the drama of this woman's child (or children) disrespecting him in his presence, especially since nowadays any of his attempts to physically discipline her disrespectful child (or children) will result in his being arrested and imprisoned for child abuse or child endangerment? And fifth, why should he deal with a single mother's drama at all when there are thousands of available single women who haven't had any pregnancies yet?
The first question is merely a matter of common sense. As has been stated earlier, the needs of any child come first, while the parent's needs come last. This means that the average single mother is obligated to dedicate her quality time and energy to feeding her child, clothing her child, and making sure her child has a roof over his head (or her head), quality education, proper medical care, and proper discipline. Unfortunately, developing a healthy romantic relationship also demands quality time and energy, which are required for proper communication, personal connection, emotional bonding, and sexual compatibility. As such, a single man is placed in a dilemma, because no matter how important the relationship-building phase may be, the single mother's responsibilities as a mother must come first. Unless the man is in a mutual situation, i.e. he is a single father with children of his own, then the couple is unequally joined together, and the instabilities resulting from their inherently imbalanced relationship will inevitably destroy the relationship altogether. That is one reason why single men without children simply avoid single mothers altogether.
The second question involves the other man (or men) responsible for the single woman becoming a mother. If the father of the woman's child is still attached to the woman in any way other than being the father of her child, then that woman is simply off-limits, no matter how available she says she is. In addition to this being a matter of common sense, this is also about staying alive, especially if this other man has a history of violence or a criminal record. Even if the other man is nowhere to be found (i.e. he may even be dead), some single men are simply repulsed by single mothers because, in the minds of such men, those women have clearly been "taken and used by other men," and the resulting children are the lasting evidence of this.
The third question involves another truth regarding family values, namely, that it takes both the father and the mother to properly raise a child, regardless of any modern-day sentiments. (As such, the preponderance of single parenthood is a malicious societal aberration, one that is responsible for the current fatal decay of American social infrastructure.) If the father of a single mother's child was at one time joined with that woman, either by long-term relationship or by marriage, then the forces and events which destroyed that relationship or marriage ought to be of grave concern to any single man who is interested in the woman. If the earlier man or the woman (or both) had something to do with the break-up, then in what capacity? If the earlier man was hostile or unfaithful towards the woman, then what emotional scars did he leave her with? Was the woman hostile or unfaithful in any way? Those and other questions ought to be asked. On the other hand, if the father of that single mother's child was never joined with that woman on any long-term basis, then that means her pregnancy was obviously the result of sexual indiscretion, and this should raise more alarming questions. Does this woman have an understanding of birth control? If she does, then will she insist on using it? Does this woman have a problem with sexual promiscuity? If this woman has had children by several other men, then can she really be faithful to any one man for a long period of time? Has this woman ever tried to use pregnancy to trap a man and control him? Only a fool would never consider asking such questions, since sexual indiscretion can also result in the contraction of dangerous diseases like herpes or AIDS.
The fourth question focuses on the child, who is an indivisible part of the single mother's life. It is a well-known fact in today's America that any physical form of punishment against children is considered child-abuse, and any child who has suffered such punishment for any reason can have the punishing parents arrested and imprisoned. The situation is even worse for a punishing adult who has neither blood relations with nor custody over the child. So then how does a single man punish a single mother's disrespectful child without using much-deserved physical punishment on that child? In truth, the only way most extremely disrespectful children respond with obedience and respect is through the pains of physical discipline or through fear of the same. But because such physical discipline has been made illegal in "modern" America, punishable by imprisonment and other penalties, the best way a single man can deal with a single mother's disrespectful child is by putting that child out of his life. Unfortunately, as stated previously, the child is an indivisible part of the single mother's life. So if the child must be put out, then so must the mother. Furthermore, it is also a known fact that most children of single mothers do not want any outsider competing with them for their mothers' attention and love, and so those same children will be as disrespectful as possible in an effort to drive the competitor away. A good number of single men simply do not want to deal with these headaches, and that is also why they utterly reject single mothers altogether.
This brings one to the fifth and final question, which pertains to that quintessential "path of least resistance." In America, available women have consistently outnumbered available men, and as any given generation ages, the gap only increases. Furthermore, the number of men who turn to a lifestyle of vice further diminishes the number of available men who would become good boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. As such, the average single man, who has scores of options to choose from, would obviously choose a single woman who is as drama-free as possible. That means she has little or no emotional scars, no sexually transmitted diseases whatsoever, and absolutely no children in her care. This is not to say that there are absolutely no single men who prefer to date single mothers. Nor does this say that single mothers do not deserve any romance at all. If a man and a woman truly love each other, then regardless of whether or not she is a single mother, their faithfulness and commitment to each other will eventually overcome all obstacles. Nevertheless, every single man who finds himself dealing with a single mother must be sober in his thinking. Any single mother and her children are already a family unit, so in reality, and regardless of anything she may say to the contrary, he is dealing with more than just the single mother. He is dealing with the family unit that she has been left in charge of.
Copyright (c) 2007, All Rights Reserved
First of all, raising a child is a priority, not an option. Ladies, the moment you chose to have your first child is the moment your selfish desires absolutely had to take a back seat. Being single and love-starved does not mean your responsibilities as a mother come second. Because your child is still a child who has no education, does not know right from wrong, and cannot feed, clothe, or shelter himself (or herself), his needs (or her needs) come first, while yours come last, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all year long, and every year of your natural life, until that child is a grown adult. And if you're a young woman who hasn't had any children yet, and you're not sure that you're ready for motherhood, then don't get pregnant. One minute of prevention always beats a lifetime of cure.
Now when a man finds out that the woman he's dating or about to date is a single mother, he should be immediately provoked to inwardly (and sometimes openly) ask several questions about the single mother. First, why should he get involved with a woman who cannot dedicate her all to making any new relationship work because her obligations are to her child (or children) first? Second, since she has had a child (or children) by another man, what role does that other man play in her life, if any? Third, why is she no longer with the very father of her child (or children)? Fourth, why should he deal with the drama of this woman's child (or children) disrespecting him in his presence, especially since nowadays any of his attempts to physically discipline her disrespectful child (or children) will result in his being arrested and imprisoned for child abuse or child endangerment? And fifth, why should he deal with a single mother's drama at all when there are thousands of available single women who haven't had any pregnancies yet?
The first question is merely a matter of common sense. As has been stated earlier, the needs of any child come first, while the parent's needs come last. This means that the average single mother is obligated to dedicate her quality time and energy to feeding her child, clothing her child, and making sure her child has a roof over his head (or her head), quality education, proper medical care, and proper discipline. Unfortunately, developing a healthy romantic relationship also demands quality time and energy, which are required for proper communication, personal connection, emotional bonding, and sexual compatibility. As such, a single man is placed in a dilemma, because no matter how important the relationship-building phase may be, the single mother's responsibilities as a mother must come first. Unless the man is in a mutual situation, i.e. he is a single father with children of his own, then the couple is unequally joined together, and the instabilities resulting from their inherently imbalanced relationship will inevitably destroy the relationship altogether. That is one reason why single men without children simply avoid single mothers altogether.
The second question involves the other man (or men) responsible for the single woman becoming a mother. If the father of the woman's child is still attached to the woman in any way other than being the father of her child, then that woman is simply off-limits, no matter how available she says she is. In addition to this being a matter of common sense, this is also about staying alive, especially if this other man has a history of violence or a criminal record. Even if the other man is nowhere to be found (i.e. he may even be dead), some single men are simply repulsed by single mothers because, in the minds of such men, those women have clearly been "taken and used by other men," and the resulting children are the lasting evidence of this.
The third question involves another truth regarding family values, namely, that it takes both the father and the mother to properly raise a child, regardless of any modern-day sentiments. (As such, the preponderance of single parenthood is a malicious societal aberration, one that is responsible for the current fatal decay of American social infrastructure.) If the father of a single mother's child was at one time joined with that woman, either by long-term relationship or by marriage, then the forces and events which destroyed that relationship or marriage ought to be of grave concern to any single man who is interested in the woman. If the earlier man or the woman (or both) had something to do with the break-up, then in what capacity? If the earlier man was hostile or unfaithful towards the woman, then what emotional scars did he leave her with? Was the woman hostile or unfaithful in any way? Those and other questions ought to be asked. On the other hand, if the father of that single mother's child was never joined with that woman on any long-term basis, then that means her pregnancy was obviously the result of sexual indiscretion, and this should raise more alarming questions. Does this woman have an understanding of birth control? If she does, then will she insist on using it? Does this woman have a problem with sexual promiscuity? If this woman has had children by several other men, then can she really be faithful to any one man for a long period of time? Has this woman ever tried to use pregnancy to trap a man and control him? Only a fool would never consider asking such questions, since sexual indiscretion can also result in the contraction of dangerous diseases like herpes or AIDS.
The fourth question focuses on the child, who is an indivisible part of the single mother's life. It is a well-known fact in today's America that any physical form of punishment against children is considered child-abuse, and any child who has suffered such punishment for any reason can have the punishing parents arrested and imprisoned. The situation is even worse for a punishing adult who has neither blood relations with nor custody over the child. So then how does a single man punish a single mother's disrespectful child without using much-deserved physical punishment on that child? In truth, the only way most extremely disrespectful children respond with obedience and respect is through the pains of physical discipline or through fear of the same. But because such physical discipline has been made illegal in "modern" America, punishable by imprisonment and other penalties, the best way a single man can deal with a single mother's disrespectful child is by putting that child out of his life. Unfortunately, as stated previously, the child is an indivisible part of the single mother's life. So if the child must be put out, then so must the mother. Furthermore, it is also a known fact that most children of single mothers do not want any outsider competing with them for their mothers' attention and love, and so those same children will be as disrespectful as possible in an effort to drive the competitor away. A good number of single men simply do not want to deal with these headaches, and that is also why they utterly reject single mothers altogether.
This brings one to the fifth and final question, which pertains to that quintessential "path of least resistance." In America, available women have consistently outnumbered available men, and as any given generation ages, the gap only increases. Furthermore, the number of men who turn to a lifestyle of vice further diminishes the number of available men who would become good boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. As such, the average single man, who has scores of options to choose from, would obviously choose a single woman who is as drama-free as possible. That means she has little or no emotional scars, no sexually transmitted diseases whatsoever, and absolutely no children in her care. This is not to say that there are absolutely no single men who prefer to date single mothers. Nor does this say that single mothers do not deserve any romance at all. If a man and a woman truly love each other, then regardless of whether or not she is a single mother, their faithfulness and commitment to each other will eventually overcome all obstacles. Nevertheless, every single man who finds himself dealing with a single mother must be sober in his thinking. Any single mother and her children are already a family unit, so in reality, and regardless of anything she may say to the contrary, he is dealing with more than just the single mother. He is dealing with the family unit that she has been left in charge of.
Copyright (c) 2007, All Rights Reserved
