A good number of African-American women have voiced concern about African-American men on two fronts, the first of which is that they don't want their men to "stray into the camps of the other women," and the second of which is that they are tired of their men acting like dogs and abusing them. Oddly enough, both fronts have the same origin, namely, that a good number of modern African-American families lack the cohesive structure required to endure the trials of this world. And this lack of cohesive structure is based on a lasting identity crisis that African-Americans have been struggling with for decades, even centuries. The crisis can be summed up in this statement, namely, that the men are not learning how to be gentlemen, and the women are not learning how to be ladies. The problem is indeed that simple, and nothing happens in a vacuum. The strife that exists between the African-American man and the African-American woman damages the family, which in turn damages the community, which in turn damages the race as a whole. Listed below are some mandates for how such strife between the man and the woman must be dealt with and eliminated once and for all.
First, African-American men must learn how to be gentlemen. A man who is led by his carnal desires (i.e. {1} to live a lifestyle of ignorance and laziness to the point of refusing a decent job, {2} to spew forth profanity as though it were some badge of honor, {3} to get drunk or high all the time, {4} to have sex with numerous women (none of whom are his wife) and sire scores of illegitimate children by them, {5} to verbally and physically treat women with contempt and abuse, {6} to sell narcotics and other vices that destroy a community, and {7} to engage in ruthless, senseless violence against others) is both a coward and a fool, and is not a man at all. It takes a real man to learn how to live the right way, to get an education, to learn how to run a legitimate business, to support his own community, to uphold the law, and to care for his wife and children with his very own life. It takes a real man to forgive other people their faults, to seek peace instead of war, and to build friendships instead of hostilities. It takes a real man to pursue virtue instead of vice, to take the long and narrow road of righteousness (which leads to life) instead of the short and wide road of selfish pleasures (which leads to death). It takes a real man to love instead of hate, to carry himself with dignity and self-worth instead of shameful posturing and disrespectful ignorance. And a real man fully realizes that there is no such thing as a free lunch when it comes to carrying himself with respect, respect for himself and respect for others.
Second, if an African-American man were really a gentleman, he would have no problem attracting genuine ladies and repelling ill-mannered women, simply because characters who love darkness cannot stand people who walk in the Light. A real gentleman who is dealing with an ill-mannered woman never sinks down to her level. He simply leaves her, without any animosity and without any hostility. He does not cheat on her behind her back with her closest female friends, nor does he shout any obscenities at her, nor does he beat her to the ground. He simply leaves her, quietly shakes the dirt from his feet, and goes on with his life. Much more can be accomplished by withdrawing one's presence from an offending individual than by saying or doing spiteful things against that individual. And a gentleman who learns how to speak and behave without hostility has become a gentleman indeed. Loving someone does not mean you have to endure abuse from that someone. One should always remember that abuse is hatred; abuse is never love. The moment anyone abuses anyone else, verbally or otherwise, the love is dead, and hatred has taken its place. No man should ever have to endure a woman whose tongue repeatedly and viciously grinds his ego to powder. That kind of spiritual abuse is utterly intolerable. This matter will now be continued in the third point below.
Third, African-American women must learn how to be ladies, not sluts, whores, female dogs (i.e. the "B"-word), materialistic gold-diggers, viper-tongued egomaniacs, ill-mannered shrews, or snarling amazons. African-American women have hurled numerous complaints against African-American men for chasing after women from other races (or, most notably, after Caucasian women). Maybe it wouldn't hurt for African-American women to learn what those other women have taught each other and practiced on an ongoing basis in order to make themselves more desirable. To begin with, women from other races have learned how to be more feminine and submissive towards their man (i.e. {1} respecting the man and allowing him to properly govern the family, {2} listening attentively to every noteworthy thing he has to say, {3} lovingly cherishing his most noble thoughts, and {4} joyfully nurturing him and caring for his needs without question). A gentleman who is loved and supported by this kind of woman would definitely feel obligated to do good for her and value her in return, caring for her every need, and defending her honor in all arenas of life. (The word "gentleman" above is emphasized because only a gentleman will properly care for a woman.) Unfortunately, most African-American women have not been taught these virtues of femininity and submissiveness, nor do a good number of these women feel that such virtues are of any value. These women instead feel that it is their duty to "put the man in his place" (i.e. {1} to belligerently question everything he does, no matter how right it is, {2} to sharply criticize everything he has to say, in some cases not even letting him get a word in edgewise, {3} to belittle every last one of his thoughts if they don't "sound right," and {4} to angrily tell him that he can take care of his own "darned" self, and that if he were really any measure of a man, he would take care of the woman's needs first). Most of these women have already had hostile encounters with an ill-mannered man who did not deserve their company in the first place. But instead of simply leaving that man when he first abused them, they chose to stay with him and love him anyway. As stated above, abuse is hatred. Abuse is not love at all. Just as no woman can abuse a man and call it "love," neither can any man abuse a woman and get away with the same thing. The first time a man abuses a woman, verbally or otherwise, should be the last, and that woman should leave immediately without ever looking back. And just as a true gentleman would simply leave an abusive woman without any hostility on his part, likewise a true lady should also leave an abusive man without any hostility on her part. It is no great mystery that women who stay in long-term abusive relationships have a greater probability of internalizing those same abusive traits as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately, when the abusive man is finally long-gone, those internalized abusive traits can and do remain embedded within the woman's character, and oftentimes, without provocation, she will behave in an abusive manner without even knowing that she is. Ultimately, no one can ever hope to overcome past abuses until he or she accepts the reality that abuse has no place in healthy relationships. Until this acceptance takes place on the most intrinsic level (i.e. on the same level as dignity and self-respect), one can only hope to go from one abusive relationship to another, where he or she will either be the victim or the assailant.
Ultimately, African-American men and women have to make a daily conscious commitment to improve their own relationships with one another, regardless of how the other gender may behave. Personal growth must occur independent of how one treats you, otherwise you will always be at the mercy of the other person's whims. You cannot expect your partner to behave like a lady or a gentleman before you decide to behave like a gentleman or a lady. The initiative must always begin with you. So long as the African-American man waits for the African-American woman to become a lady, while the woman is waiting for the man to become a gentleman, nothing will ever change, and the African-American race as a whole will continue on its downward spiral into oblivion.
Copyright (c) 2007, All Rights Reserved
First, African-American men must learn how to be gentlemen. A man who is led by his carnal desires (i.e. {1} to live a lifestyle of ignorance and laziness to the point of refusing a decent job, {2} to spew forth profanity as though it were some badge of honor, {3} to get drunk or high all the time, {4} to have sex with numerous women (none of whom are his wife) and sire scores of illegitimate children by them, {5} to verbally and physically treat women with contempt and abuse, {6} to sell narcotics and other vices that destroy a community, and {7} to engage in ruthless, senseless violence against others) is both a coward and a fool, and is not a man at all. It takes a real man to learn how to live the right way, to get an education, to learn how to run a legitimate business, to support his own community, to uphold the law, and to care for his wife and children with his very own life. It takes a real man to forgive other people their faults, to seek peace instead of war, and to build friendships instead of hostilities. It takes a real man to pursue virtue instead of vice, to take the long and narrow road of righteousness (which leads to life) instead of the short and wide road of selfish pleasures (which leads to death). It takes a real man to love instead of hate, to carry himself with dignity and self-worth instead of shameful posturing and disrespectful ignorance. And a real man fully realizes that there is no such thing as a free lunch when it comes to carrying himself with respect, respect for himself and respect for others.
Second, if an African-American man were really a gentleman, he would have no problem attracting genuine ladies and repelling ill-mannered women, simply because characters who love darkness cannot stand people who walk in the Light. A real gentleman who is dealing with an ill-mannered woman never sinks down to her level. He simply leaves her, without any animosity and without any hostility. He does not cheat on her behind her back with her closest female friends, nor does he shout any obscenities at her, nor does he beat her to the ground. He simply leaves her, quietly shakes the dirt from his feet, and goes on with his life. Much more can be accomplished by withdrawing one's presence from an offending individual than by saying or doing spiteful things against that individual. And a gentleman who learns how to speak and behave without hostility has become a gentleman indeed. Loving someone does not mean you have to endure abuse from that someone. One should always remember that abuse is hatred; abuse is never love. The moment anyone abuses anyone else, verbally or otherwise, the love is dead, and hatred has taken its place. No man should ever have to endure a woman whose tongue repeatedly and viciously grinds his ego to powder. That kind of spiritual abuse is utterly intolerable. This matter will now be continued in the third point below.
Third, African-American women must learn how to be ladies, not sluts, whores, female dogs (i.e. the "B"-word), materialistic gold-diggers, viper-tongued egomaniacs, ill-mannered shrews, or snarling amazons. African-American women have hurled numerous complaints against African-American men for chasing after women from other races (or, most notably, after Caucasian women). Maybe it wouldn't hurt for African-American women to learn what those other women have taught each other and practiced on an ongoing basis in order to make themselves more desirable. To begin with, women from other races have learned how to be more feminine and submissive towards their man (i.e. {1} respecting the man and allowing him to properly govern the family, {2} listening attentively to every noteworthy thing he has to say, {3} lovingly cherishing his most noble thoughts, and {4} joyfully nurturing him and caring for his needs without question). A gentleman who is loved and supported by this kind of woman would definitely feel obligated to do good for her and value her in return, caring for her every need, and defending her honor in all arenas of life. (The word "gentleman" above is emphasized because only a gentleman will properly care for a woman.) Unfortunately, most African-American women have not been taught these virtues of femininity and submissiveness, nor do a good number of these women feel that such virtues are of any value. These women instead feel that it is their duty to "put the man in his place" (i.e. {1} to belligerently question everything he does, no matter how right it is, {2} to sharply criticize everything he has to say, in some cases not even letting him get a word in edgewise, {3} to belittle every last one of his thoughts if they don't "sound right," and {4} to angrily tell him that he can take care of his own "darned" self, and that if he were really any measure of a man, he would take care of the woman's needs first). Most of these women have already had hostile encounters with an ill-mannered man who did not deserve their company in the first place. But instead of simply leaving that man when he first abused them, they chose to stay with him and love him anyway. As stated above, abuse is hatred. Abuse is not love at all. Just as no woman can abuse a man and call it "love," neither can any man abuse a woman and get away with the same thing. The first time a man abuses a woman, verbally or otherwise, should be the last, and that woman should leave immediately without ever looking back. And just as a true gentleman would simply leave an abusive woman without any hostility on his part, likewise a true lady should also leave an abusive man without any hostility on her part. It is no great mystery that women who stay in long-term abusive relationships have a greater probability of internalizing those same abusive traits as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately, when the abusive man is finally long-gone, those internalized abusive traits can and do remain embedded within the woman's character, and oftentimes, without provocation, she will behave in an abusive manner without even knowing that she is. Ultimately, no one can ever hope to overcome past abuses until he or she accepts the reality that abuse has no place in healthy relationships. Until this acceptance takes place on the most intrinsic level (i.e. on the same level as dignity and self-respect), one can only hope to go from one abusive relationship to another, where he or she will either be the victim or the assailant.
Ultimately, African-American men and women have to make a daily conscious commitment to improve their own relationships with one another, regardless of how the other gender may behave. Personal growth must occur independent of how one treats you, otherwise you will always be at the mercy of the other person's whims. You cannot expect your partner to behave like a lady or a gentleman before you decide to behave like a gentleman or a lady. The initiative must always begin with you. So long as the African-American man waits for the African-American woman to become a lady, while the woman is waiting for the man to become a gentleman, nothing will ever change, and the African-American race as a whole will continue on its downward spiral into oblivion.
Copyright (c) 2007, All Rights Reserved
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